Equanimity (n) mental/emotional stability/composure esp. under tension; calmness; equilibrium. Antonyms: panic, discomposure, agitation.

I’ve only recently figured out how to tell people what I feel about them.

How’s that working out for me? Well, it’s certainly causing a fuss.

You see, I’m well acquainted with the backhanded sharing of feelings. I find it easier to approach people with mild (vague, harmless) insults, assuming they will innately sense my good natured intent. It shows – me, probably nobody else – that the intimacy and affection we have is mutually obvious.

“Obviously, I do not hate you because I am openly insulting you.”

Clear as Aluminium. It’s all very Australian of me.

It’s a bit of a trap. I fell into it via the lure of witty banter and wounds inflicted in earlier days by people who had no idea what they were doing. The hole in my flawless logic is, of course, that humans aren’t mind readers by and large, so they get confused.

Now, here’s what I figured out. You will get a much better result if you do one simple thing instead of taking my approach.

Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Personally, professionally, daily.

Yes, yes, yes.


Playing games doesn’t leave a winner and a loser – it leaves two confused people, and nobody is holding the illusive truth. In the long term that’s not fair to either of you, is it?

And the best part is how quickly everything will begin to make sense.

Being vulnerable is scary, nerve-racking, awful… but much, much simpler than the alternative.

Opening yourself up is a risk because there’s always going to be a possibility that special grade of douchebag might notice you lowering your guard and take it as an invitation to tear your little heart out, but the fact of the matter is nobody worth your time is going to take that shot.

And if you’re nervous, remember, being open and honest is a test of character for the other guy just as much as it is for you.


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